“But I NEED to know why…” A formula for suffering.
Did you get ever caught up in a past experience or emotion and it just keeps haunting you because you don’t feel like you can get closure until you know WHY someone did or said or didn’t do or didn’t say something?
You could wait for years to understand why something happened but more likely you’ll never know for sure. In the meantime, you are dragging the energy of past experiences in your wake and its colouring the lens of how you see the world.
So what do you do if you are haunted by why that relationship didn’t work, why that “friend” stabbed you in the back, why your parent did….or didn’t….. do or say something, or left wondering what you did wrong to not get that job or raise.
All those whys add up and taint your state of being. It’s a sure fire-way to degrade your self-confidence and self-worth. You are essentially telling yourself subconsciously that their perspective is more important than yours when you do this.
So just stop it!…. yeah… sounds easy right?
Letting go of those whys
The reason we hang onto these whys is because we are trying to understand the situation from someone else’s perspective and motives. By doing that, you are really setting yourself up to fail. Even if the person flat out explained to you why, you may never really understand their motives. You see because they themselves are influences by their own past pains, stories, subconscious programs and may not truly know WHY consciously themselves.
One of the main sources of our pain is we live from an external perspective. What will they think, what will they do, how will they feel, what will they say. As much as you feel that you don’t care about what people think, your “old brain” does, because not only is love and belonging one of your basic human needs, community offers safety and security which satisfies your survival instincts.
So what do you do?
Change your perspective from outwardly to inwardly. You are waiting for an answer as to why so that you can understand the situation from their perspective and THEN make a decision of how you want to deal with it.
Instead, flip it to an internal perspective, and regardless of why they did what… Ask yourself “how did that feel for me, what did that help me to recognize within myself and what do I need to move forward now?
In my Basic ThetaHealing DNA Seminar, one of the things that my students learn is how to effortlessly access a higher perspective on their reality and how to gain the closure they need so they can get unstuck and move forward in the direction of their dreams.
If you’re ready to let go of some of that old baggage, join me and learn more about yourself, and how to take charge of your thought, feelings and behaviours and ultimately your reality. My upcoming seminars are listed here. Or you can jump right in with my self-directed programs.
May your blessings be in abundance,
Anik J. Malenfant
Transformation Coach, Educator and Speaker