Obliviously unhappy
Are you feeling unhappy? Can you even tell?
For more than a decade, I woke up every morning, day in and day out, reliving the same experience. It was like being trapped in the movie “Groundhog Day”, but my own personal version of it. The sad part is, I didn’t even know I had a choice or that something else was available to me. I thought this was life, and like a good human being, I should just suck it up and be grateful.
Let me give you a little peek into my journey to happy so that if you are living this, you know that life can be different. So many people are living proof that this is so, including me.
My Story
My story begins almost a couple of decades ago. At that time, whether it was in my personal or professional life, things would appear to change… then I’d be hit with the sudden realization that nothing, in fact, had really changed; just the scenery.
I was deeply nestled in what I would refer to as the “I’ll be happy when syndrome”. Chasing this dream was my everything and, honestly, I have no friggin’ clue now what that dream even was. I think I got hung up on this false image of what I thought life should be and let it dictate my choices.
For years, it was enough. Enough for me to “get by”. I masked my deep lack of fulfilment from myself with shoes, vacations, and shiny certificates. Silencing my suffering I turned to substances, distractions, empty relationships and meaningless goals. On the surface, I had everything I dreamt of, but in the depth of my soul, there was a growing void. I was chasing this elusive “thing” that would eventually lead to my happiness.
Years went on and my mornings were progressively layered with dread. I was living for the weekend, which came and went without creating any change in how I felt about my life.
How did I not notice?
What’s so crazy is when I look back at my life and realize just how utterly miserable I was! How is it possible to gently ease into misery and accept it as normal?! Seriously, how was it possible for me to be so unhappy and not even know it?
It can be so easy to convince ourselves that we are happy and suppress that nagging internal voice. Often, we choose to avoid it because we are afraid of facing the repressed feelings that live within. We simply suck it up because we don’t know what to do about it.
We’ve accepted it as our reality; Smothered the sparks of passion, joy, purpose, and at our wit’s end, we then lack the inspiration needed to create change. It’s a vicious cycle. So, we roll out of bed, put our socks on one at a time and push through another day in the hopes that something will magically change.
In hindsight, I so desperately hung onto my misery, getting defensive when close friends would question my happiness. My reactions were driven by the feeling of judgment. What if they thought I was “not good enough”. I was working really hard at “being happy”. Couldn’t they see that? Wasn’t that enough? What the heck did they want from me?
Tear off the band-aid…
I remember the day I “ripped” off the bandage and faced the reality of my unhappiness head-on. At that moment, I experienced complete terror, deep sadness, and utter confusion. It was disorienting, everything I thought I knew came crashing down. The realization of my reality washed over me. Somewhere along the way, I got lost. I got distracted and forgot what was important; what life is really about.
The truth is, I don’t know if I even knew what life was all about to start off with. Having lacked the experience of childhood innocence, a life of joy was to me, a unicorn, a pipe dream. The truth bomb left me asking… Now what? My personal quest for joy was awoken, or what I would now recognize as my journey to self-discovery.
What do you want?
I started to ask myself the most basic fundamental questions. Who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy? Why am I here? What do I want to do with this life I was gifted? The answers didn't come overnight. They were hiding amongst the layers of repressed emotions, unresolved issues and other interesting finds I was unknowingly lugging around I'm my "baggage".
It was through the realization that I was unhappy that I unleashed my own personal awakening. I had to be honest with myself about it for the first time. Even though I didn't know what the answer to joy was, I did know that I was unwilling to go on with the status quo. I had a glimpse that another life was available to me in a parallel reality, and I was a woman on a mission to discover what that was.
Now I'm here
So fast-forward almost 10 years; Here I sit having awoken to a new day with a spark of wonder and passion. I'm excited to discover what the day will bring. Free from the dread that plagued me for years, feeling connected and blessed as I share my morning with my adorable daughter and loving soulmate living a life that I couldn't even imagine of years before.
The days of misery are a mere memory of a distant past, what to me feels like a different life, a different me.
Now I stand solidly in the conviction that everything I thought I knew about life was simply based on fear, in pain, in suffering. What life really was, was staring me in the face the whole time. I was unable to identify it as such as I didn't have the right definition of what life was.
So this is what I know for sure...
Life is meant to be lived. It's not a test of survival, but an opportunity to thrive... if you let it. Life is made to experience joy, depth of emotion, connection, passion, purpose and most of all, LOVE.
Through all of this, I feel grateful for my experiences, even the unhappy ones. The tools I've developed and learnt along the way through my personal journey to joy enable me to support myself and others in a gentle journey to our dreams instead of the atom bomb experience that I had.
When I look back, I know that every moment, every experience, and even my misery had a purpose. Every moment helped me to define my purpose. It drove me to explore what life really is, what it can be and how to achieve inner joy without needing a cataclysmic event to redirect my path.
With each day, I discover and expand on who I am, what I want, and why I'm here. Instead of being burdened by these contemplations, they inspire me. They ignite curiosity in me of just how much more love, more joy, and more fulfilment life has to offer.
It's your turn
If you can relate to my story; Maybe you're feeling stuck, lost or unsure what to do next and want to get some support from someone who gets it, I'd love to help you get clarity. Together we can work out where you are, what you want and how to get there.
My clarity call session is designed to help you to get unstuck, get off the hamster wheel, and tap into the joyfully abundant life you truly deserve. I believe the process I've developed is so powerful because it marries the heart and mind harmoniously. It brings together the best of what we are, our spiritual foundations with practical actionable tools.
Let's get your happy on!
Anik
